Man's Best Friend or How I Found Canine Love
By: Julia Yarbough
Can I tell you? I had a GREAT time meeting up for my “date”, ironically back in South Florida! Leave it to me, to pack up my car and head off on this crazy, hair-brained idea of searching for a husband all over the country, to then actually have a “date” with someone in my own backyard!
I’m happy to report: I think it went pretty darn good! Keep in mind, I am not one to kiss and tell (No, really. Despite unveiling my life for the entire web to read about, that is...), but I will say, I was TOTALLY impressed with this man. In fact, I didn't want the evening to end.
Stats: HANDSOME! He really seems to have his act together. Successfully self-employed, well educated and well spoken, in great physical shape, funny, similar idealogical views, loves to travel and have adventures, has a beautiful (and CLEAN) home, and did I mention how handsome he is? I confess, I was a bit smitten.
Date: It was simple and totally chill, which I love. That means no muss, no fuss for me of getting all “glammed-up.” In a cute, almost teen-date kind of way, he invited me over for movie and popcorn. That’s cool. We got side-tracked though (No, not that - get your minds out of the gutter!) We started channel surfing, and first found South Park, (TOTALLY COOL THAT HE WATCHES S.P.) then stumbled upon Man Vs. Wild. There must have been some sort of Man Vs. Wild marathon, because we watched 2 or 3 episodes and never did get to a movie. It was great just hanging out, chatting, munching popcorn and getting to know each other. Very cool. (See, I'm not one of those high-maintenance women that guys have to jump through fiery hoops to impress. A good-quality man will do the trick).
I've heard that men don't like to listen to us women chitty-chat, so I kept my odd-ball comments to myself. Was that smart or no? I asked him questions about himself - I want to know more about who he is - that was good, right? OMG - I found myself just staring at him when he wasn't looking - just trying to take him all in. How much of that kind of stuff do men really notice? Do you think he could sense that I'm digging him? Oh - this is all so taxing - no wonder I've been single all these years! He did mention an ex-girlfriend several times - what do you think that means? I know, I know - DON'T OVER ANALYZE!
So anyhow, it was all good until... um... how do I say this? Well, until the assault. It happened so quickly. I was on the 3rd floor balcony - stepped out to get some fresh air. My first instinct was to look around to see if there were any witnesses. None!
Thankfully, I was able to elbow him off of me fairly quickly. Phew, that was close.
“Down boy,” I shouted at my date’s VERY LARGE dog! “Get - off - of - me!”
“L” is a Mastiff. Go ahead. Look it up. They are BIG, BIG, BIG dogs! So, get this. Soon after my date stepped out of of the room, “L” made his move. Perhaps he was thinking something like this:
“Dad can’t see me, and I kind of like his date. (I was petting him all evening) I think I’ll lunge at her, wrap my huge, heavy paws around her shoulders, and hump-the-crap-out-of-her-leg! And if I move fast, Dad won’t ever know! WOOF!”
Hey, at least I know for certain the Dog is into me. Wish me luck with his owner!