New Year - Get Unstuck from the Muck!
By: Julia Yarbough
January 16, 2013
Happy New Year!
The question of the hour... where “is” Highway to a Husband three years after my “throw-caution-to-the-wind” road trip with hopes of finding Mr. Right?
Well, Silva and I found and continue to create great times, cool adventures, take in incredible U.S. scenery, but -- alas, no husband. LOL! No regrets here though, as the once-in-a-lifetime gamble is generating an entirely new life - not to mention HTAH is now in development for consideration for a reality show... applause, applause)
But when it comes to finding “Mr. Right” - here’s the thing - the more we think about, talk about, write about and/or share with friends all of our dating woes and misadventures the more we are likely to generate the exact same scenarios.
Tough pill to swallow - but I’ve swallowed it. 2012 was a year of asking myself, “Julia, is your lack of dating success or finding “the one” your own doing?” Hmmm....
Turns out - the answer is YES! Us single folks who constantly bemoan our dateless nights and non-ringing phones and countless events, holidays, parties, etc alone... are simply serving ourselves a giant bowl of “JACK” with a side of “SQUAT.” (I confess, I stole that line from Supernatural... it made me laugh)
Yeah...you heard me - and I’m including myself in this assessment. See, while Silva was AWOL working on her own psyche and business pursuits, I’ve been doing quite a bit of house and head-cleaning myself. Let’s just say the proverbial Spring cleaning lasted pretty much all year.
It started shortly after the messy break-up with BamaBoy. Despite our differences, I loved that man; in fact, I think I still do. I was something of an emotional train-wreck afterwards. But like my profession as an anchor/reporter trained me to do, I put my emotions in box, pushed that box to a back shelf, put a smile on my face and forged ahead!
A few short months later, I met a rather nice man. He wasn’t my M.O. (but then again, BamaBoy hadn’t been either) so when he asked me out, I said yes. After a few movies, dinners, family gatherings including picnics, trips to the beach, and home-cooked dinners, I realized I simply wasn’t feeling “it” - you know, that thing you need to feel in order to move forward with someone. He was baffled, and I felt bad because he's a good man but here’s the thing folks - STOP LYING TO YOURSELF ABOUT ANYTHING THAT ISN’T GOOD OR RIGHT FOR YOU! At that moment I realized it was going to take me a long time to get over my previous relationship. No matter what anyone else thought about it, I was now cut off from the man I fell in love with, the child I had grown to care for and lifestyle patterns I was adjusting to. Then just like that - POOF. Gone. It was quite complicated - even for me to sort through.
Months passed. I went to Africa for work. No dates. Silva and I traveled to the Grenadine Islands for adventure and work. There was a series of disappointing and exhausting encounters with men which simply made me shake my head and wonder...but no dates. I continued devoting myself to building Julia Yarbough Media Group; Silva focused on CBS4, herself and her company. Still no dates. The two intrepid cross-country travelers rarely saw each other in 2012 as our individual life journey’s continued down the Highway, but this time, in different vehicles.
Then...out of the blue, one day.. a date! A man I’ve known for years and who hasd been flirting with and pursuing me for years and who I secretly had a crush on for years meandered into my life. Being the eternal optimist I thought, “hmmm...perhaps it was all timing? Maybe after all these years we’re supposed to be together...”
Well, that story didn’t materialize. What DID, was a rather traumatic series of events which in retrospect helped me more than I could have realized.
Turns out...as soon as I began to open my gates-of-trust, and admit my emotions and affection for this man, then no sooner did he suddenly have an epiphany that oops...he was in fact -in his words - “going through some Shit.” He was sorry, needed some time, didn’t want to hurt me, always cared about me but... blah, blah, blah...
Was I furious? You bet! But more than that I was deeply hurt. I was disappointed. I was let down. And I was angry at myself for believing in someone - a man - again. And there it was...I realized I simply didn’t TRUST that a man - any man - would truly be there for me; to not squash my heart. To not bail if the going got rough. I knew if I didn't fix that core issue, nothing would change.
It is said that when you finally reach a point where you are beyond tired of being tired... when you simply throw your hands up and exclaim, “I’m DONE - UNIVERSE YOU TAKE OVER!” things begin to change. And they did.
I emotionally shut down. Like bears in the Winter, I chose to hibernate. I used that time to sift through the muck in my head; in my heart, in my belief system about what I truly expect from “the” man in my life. After all, if we (meaning all of us) have the ability to create our own realities, why was my relationship/dating reality such a fiery pit of HELL? I had to accept the fact - it was coming from me. And there it was again - I didn’t trust a man to be there for me.
I began reading - a lot! Not just mindless tabloid junk, but books that dealt with enlightenment, simplifying one’s life, identifying the truest places of your soul; where your strength and self worth comes from.
I re-focused much of my energy on my training/fitness regiment. NOT to get to the gym to people watch, but to find clarity in my own mind and to build strength in my body and soul.
I began metaphorically “cleaning house” of people and things that no longer fit in my life; people and things that did not bring me the utmost comfort, positivity, joy, peace and true kindness; EVERYTHING in my life MUST add something valuable to who and what I am. The process helped me to trust myself more with my own judgements and to listen to my internal voice for guidance.
Every night before going to bed, I wrote. Not so much in our blog (as you can see from our AWOL status) but write I did. I wrote everything and anything that came to mind. And each night, I began to visualize EXACTLY the life I can create for myself (my home, my career, my free time, my income, my leisure activities, my friends - everything). The vision included the man who is in my life and by my side; the man who is my ultimate cheerleader, supporter, friend and lover; his qualities and traits, and most importantly, how he makes me feel.
Then I had an epiphany. I realized I deserve a man who is kind and one I can trust 100% with everything about me and in my life! My family, my health, my finances, my secrets, my flaws, my weaknesses, my quirks - EVERYTHING! And I deserve a man who is kind at all times. Kind in actions and words. Kind to me. Kind to those around him. Kind to his family. Kind to strangers. Kind to himself. Kind, and filled with the utmost integrity for his life and the choices he makes.
Trust. Kindness. What do those words truly mean? For me, it translates to this:
Ladies - each and every one of us are precious treasures; we deserve to be treated like rare stones. Anything less - and we have given away our strength. To be treated less than with the utmost kindness, respect and trust is, in essence, saying to The Universe - “we believe we are not worthy of being treated as we should.” Ladies - only WE can stop that. When we do, men who would treat us as such fall away and only those with sincere intention, motive, kindness and trust show up in our lives. Pay attention.
Guys - each and every one of you has the power to hold a precious stone in your hand; a unique diamond to call your own. When that gem TRUSTS that it won’t be hurt, chipped, broken, tossed aside, varnished, or taken for granted for by you in any way - that diamond will shine so bright it will blind you. Be KIND to the gems because they are all around you. Pay attention.
I can tell you things are changing - for the better. 16 days into 2013 and The Universe is already paying attention to my new approach. Can I say for certain what is around the next bend of this Highway to a Husband journey? Nope. But I trust it’s incredible. I trust it’s amazing. And I know in my heart of hearts that whomever “he” is... I’ll know it the moment we cross paths and so will he. For all I know, he may already be here and I was so stuck in my own muck and he in his that we didn’t see each other... pay attention.
Are you ready to get out of your muck? Let us help you~